are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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