I am puke
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize