and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
