They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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