I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
