shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
