I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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