i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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