chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize