your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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