dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
