Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
