i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
