I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
