did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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