so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
