We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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