i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
