Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
