im having a threesome with these popsicles
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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