The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize