Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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