she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
