well you can't waste a boner
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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