brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
