i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
