I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
