Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
