is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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