oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yo dont text me then not text me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
