note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
