We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
