Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
