11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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