I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
