just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
