dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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