Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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