CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize