Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
