The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
