i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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