Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
