if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
