while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
