you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
