Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
