I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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