Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You made out with two different species that night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
