It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
