I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
