Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize