I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
