i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
