If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
