just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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