Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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