Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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