I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
