I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
