Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize