She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
