it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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