god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
